*Trigger warning -
discussion of eating disorders and suicidal ideation. The views expressed here
are merely my own based on anecdotal experience. Please contact your local
crisis line or health authorities if you are struggling with suicidal thoughts
or eating disorders*
----
Over a year into the pandemic,
I finally had enough courage to venture out and buy new clothes. I know most of
us have to some degree experienced the "COVID 15lbs" and I was no
exception. No amount of regular exercise could counteract the stress, the long
hours, and occasional lack of access to healthy foods with the curfew in effect
for several months. I could not deny that I had gained a few pounds and that
most of my pants had gotten uncomfortably tight. It was time to treat myself to
an upgrade.
I went to my local thrift store
and realized that my pants size had changed...again. As I perused the
racks filled with last year’s "out of season pants", the same
waist/hip size on brand-name pants was labelled as extra-large instead of large.
As I tried on item after item, nothing fit until I started trying the pants on
in the “plus size” section. For the first time in my life, despite only being
10 lbs over the upper limit of a healthy BMI for my height, I was now forced to
shop in the “plus size” section. I was now labelled a plus-sized woman and could
no longer shop in many of the “trendy” mainstream stores because they didn’t
carry their items in my size. I was shocked, angry, and immediately self
conscious.
Thinking back to my pediatric-centered
rotations over the past few years, I’ve spoken to dozens of adolescent girls
and boys with eating disorders. They’ve cried in my presence, stating that they
were too fat, that their thighs were too big, and that they “weren’t doing a
good enough job losing weight”. Despite the fact that their ribs protruded, their
blood pressures were unstable, and menstruations/pubertal development had halted,
many of these teens struggled with suicidal ideation over their inability to
meet their “standards” for thinness.
The rates of eating disorders among adolescents were already high, and have soared significantly throughout the pandemic. Sadly, the wait times to get help are staggeringly long unless hospitalization is required. While this is not the case for everyone, many teens were able to tell me about an inciting event for their eating disorders; anything from not being able to fit into an outfit to a comment made from a physical education teacher like “you are too big to do chin ups”.
As a physician I cannot deny that
being overweight or obese is a risk factor for a slew of medical conditions.
Regular physical activity, a healthy diet, and good habits are important for
feeling good, and living a happy and healthy life. However, we need to stop
misconstruing what a healthy body looks like and stop shaming people for not
fitting this unattainable and unhealthy standard. This is especially true for
women. Ten years ago, I remember asking an employee for a specific dress in my
size, only to be told “sorry, we don’t carry that in your size”. By only
offering these lovely clothes to people of a certain size, companies are subtly
telling us that we are less valuable and not deserving of feeling beautiful.
Stop making size zero the
standard for health and beauty because it is not. All women are beautiful. All
women can do physical activity (to one’s own limits, being mindful of any
injuries). All women, and people for that matter, deserve to feel comfortable
and beautiful in the clothes they wear. This means offering the same clothes to
women of ALL SIZES and shaming no one for the number on their clothing tag.
Eventually I found a few articles of clothing in the "plus size section" that were comfortable and fit me nicely. As soon as I got home, I cut off the tags and threw them in the garbage. My body suffered the effects of being a healthcare worker during a global pandemic like no other and I don't need my pants to make me feel bad about it.
