I'm angry. It takes a lot to make me truly angry, but us reaching a similar number of cases as in April in the span of a few weeks enrages me. I'm angry at this virus, I'm angry at those who didn't take it seriously, and I'm angry on behalf of those who are going to lose loved ones because others didn't take it seriously.
I want to be altruistic and be there to support patients during this difficult time, but I've found myself having altruism fatigue. All the "self-care things" I do for myself like seeing my partner, going to an outdoor fitness class, being able to sit outdoors and have dinner with a friend are slowly being ripped away from me. What will I have left to keep me going? I'll have to figure out something else to cope. My entire residency is now laden with uncertainty. Will I finish this rotation or will I be redeployed to a covid ward? Do I still have immunity or am I just as much at risk as anybody else? Will I be able to write my exams or will they be cancelled over and over again? When will I get to see anyone that I love again?
Everyday for months I have watched people flagrantly violate the rules and regulations. To the woman in the Dollarama whose older child was not wearing a mask and actively coughing, how dare you. To the patient I saw who came in with COVID after having multiple "small gatherings" of over 20 people, how could you. To the healthcare workers I've seen in a variety of settings with their noses out of their masks for prolonged periods of time, what's wrong with you. To the family members of loved ones I have transferred to the ICU, I'm angry that you have to go through this.
We are all collectively struggling to varying degrees with the same uncertainty, anger, exasperation, and fear of the unknown. As I've come to learn, anger isn't always a bad thing. Instead of letting it consume you, channel it. Let it fuel a fiery passion that drives you to take action and make change. Let your anger about this situation be a catalyst to speak your mind, educate those around you, and stand up for injustice. We owe it to each other.
