Thursday, August 27, 2015

Days 2-3 - Orientation

The talks over the last few days were the same: a mix of inspiring, eye-opening, and mind-numbingly dull. It has been overwhelming to meet so many friendly and bright people and I think my first challenge will be to learn how to connect and work with people from so many different backgrounds, and that's a challenge I look forward to. Already, I have come across people who've said things that were brilliant that I admire and can't wait to learn from, and others who have made comments that are borderline-insulting that I'm hoping were just the talks of nerves. But even if those were their true beliefs, learning how to appreciate the good in people will serve me well. I still don't fit in (but I've found 2-3 people who feel the same way and I  connect with), and I've grown to be grateful for that. I feel that some of the things that set me apart will help me stay happy and healthy throughout the next four years.

Following my initial gut feelings from the first day, the remaining 2 days didn't really seem all that different. But I feel different. Maybe it's the buzzing in my brain from all the information that's getting to me, but I don't think the speakers were wrong when they said I am now a different person having walked through these orientation doors. I don't feel any different having been enticed by different medical equipment companies to buy their stethoscopes, nor do I feel any more entitled having had more talk of prestige shoved down my throat than one would need for a lifetime. I think what has stuck with me from our lectures is that medicine isn't just a journey in learning clinical skills and how to talk to patients, but a personal journey of self discovery.

What kind of doctor do YOU want to be (and I don't mean just your specialty). And I've taken that to the next level of what kind of PERSON do you want to be. That is something I have an idea of, and I'm looking forward to using medicine to work on getting to closer to that person. I'm hoping that through all the things that will be thrown at me in the field I will learn to be a more patient person, less sensitive, more positive, and overall a happier person through this personal growth. Today we had to write letters to ourselves to read on graduation and I tried to get my future self to look back on everything I've just mentioned and to be proud of making it through this journey.

For now, to kick off the year, I've created a few mantras to live by that I hope will serve me well:

1. I only know different, not better than someone else. Everyone has something to teach you, even if they sound like intolerant idiots at first.
2. Physicianship comes with a status, which like any other career, is earned throughout a long and hard-working career. I have not earned anything yet and will never consider myself above any other career just because I'll be a doctor.
3. It's okay to make mistakes as long as you own up to them and learn from them.
4. Only plan one step at time and next steps. You have no idea what the future has in store so take things one day at a time.
5.  Quitting is not a sign of a failure but instead a gesture to respect yourself. If after an honest shot I really don't think medicine is for me, I will walk away from the profession.

Anyway, that's enough rambling for a little while. Time to rest and relax because classes started Monday and the real journey begins. Looking forward to learning more about myself and evolving into someone new :) 

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Day 1 - Orientation

Day 1
Today was the day that we were all waiting for. The day where we could walk through those doors and receive a welcome package saying " Congratulations, welcome to med school". The day where all of our fears that we were let in via a clerical error can be forever subdued. We made it.

Piled into the auditorium, we listened to speeches about how we are great but not to let it get to our heads, and many other pro tips to being a good doctor and overall a good human being. I look around at the faces that will be my peers (and future colleagues) for the next 4 years. I think the people in my med class, and any med class really, can be summed up in one word: intense. From the several dozen students I've spoken to already, they are all extremely friendly, highly motivated and driven, bright, accomplished, and above all, fiercely competitive.

I was once all of those things, but have calmed down over time thanks to a bit of a travel and life outside of school. It really gives you perspective. I honestly worry about fitting in because I'm so different from everyone else. I'm 25 with life experience and life after school. I'm not up to date with pop culture and current TV shows, I'm not a beauty guru, I'm not a genius with a 4.0. I'm me: a really weird, cynical woman who enjoys being in nature and doesn't appreciate pub culture. Today I dressed in a way that I thought would mask my weirdness, but no matter how cute I looked in my little white dress and backpack my weirdness still came out and that was okay. People actually liked it; an experience I didn't have during past orientations.

So for tomorrow, I say screw it. I'm dressing to the full extent of my personality (within the limitations of my laundry basket). We had an aboriginal elder give a very inspirational talk after lunch (unfortunately much of it was lost give that no coffee was provided since 8 am and the room began nodding off). He said that we need to heal ourselves of the heaviness we carry, especially due to fear, and he really emphasized the importance of self care and preservation. So step one on the path to emotional weight loss is to stop caring about the things that don't matter and slowly let go of fear. Once you stop caring, the more you start enjoying.